Reader,
Before we talk about the ABCs of coaching,
Lemme tell you this...
I was conversing with my good friend and a seasoned confidence coach, Scott Ballard, and learned TWO things from him.
And I have been doing this all along without even realizing it.
The first thing...
Mindset coaching is 80% listening.
Yes, 80% active listening and 20% asking the right questions.
Thought-provoking questions.
The questions you've never asked yourself before...
It's about taking you on a journey of self-discovery.
It's about being genuinely curious in identifying your problems, fears, and their root causes.
Because without identification, proposing a solution would be like prescribing medicine to a patient without running any diagnosis.
...and you know how effective that would be.
The second thing...
Coaching is the process of transferring beliefs from coach to client.
...with evidence.
For example:
To transfer you the beliefs I formed during my 4+ years of speaking in front of an audience and understanding the science behind anxieties and fears around it.
Beliefs such as:
- Public speaking is a skill, not a talent.
- There's no such thing as a born public speaker.
- You are not alone and unique in your fear of public speaking.
- How you think about your speaking nerves matters the most.
And so on.
And if your speaking and social anxiety stems from self-esteem beliefs like...
- I'm not good enough
- I'm not competent
- I'm a failure
- I'm a loser
- etc.
Then my job as a coach is to travel back in time with you and find out what made you form these beliefs in the first place...
To get to the source.
Obviously, you weren't born this way, right?
Your brain was a clean slate when you first opened your eyes.
Either one or many events might have happened to you in the past that convinced you something is wrong with you.
So...
I will make you question your existing belief systems by introducing the possibility that maybe there's nothing wrong with you.
That the beliefs you're holding on to might not be THE TRUTH, but simply a truth
...one of many possible interpretations of those events.
Because we see the world around us from the lens of our beliefs...
They act as a filter to everything that goes into our heads.
Anis Nin said it beautifully:
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are".
Now, getting back to the ABCs of coaching.
Literally!
'A' stands for Actionable Steps
After identifying the problem and root causes, I will give you specific actionable steps you can take to move from your current state to closer to your desired state.
Sometimes, it could be as simple as...
Asking you to pause for a moment and giving meaning to what's happening around you in your daily life.
For instance...
If someone yawns while you're giving a presentation, it doesn't by default mean that you're a boring presenter...
It could also mean
- Maybe they haven't slept in days maybe even weeks
- Maybe they have a medical condition like insomnia
- Maybe they are going through a lot at job or at home and are generally tired and sleep-deprived
- Or maybe a dozen other things.
Right?
Sometimes, actionable steps may involve asking you to go to a toastmaster club and simply introduce yourself.
Or write a speech or a personal story and tell it to an audience
...of course, under my guidance.
'B' stands for Belief
The belief that your social and speaking anxiety is curable.
If I can do it after struggling with it for over 3 decades of my life, SO CAN YOU!
And unlike my experience, it wouldn't have to take years before you become a confident presenter and a person
...because I've made all the mistakes, so you don't have to.
I've solved all mysteries, so you don't have to solve yours.
Belief that you are not unique and alone in this fear
If Abraham Lincoln, Warren Buffet, Winston Churchill, Mahatma Gandhi, Joel Osteen, Julia Roberts, and Beyonce can do it...
What is stopping you from doing it?
'C' stands for Candor
Which is to tell you the truth.
The naked truth.
To be 100% open and transparent in giving you a personalized weekly roadmap that will take you from your current state to your dream outcome.
Sometimes, it could also mean having a tough conversation with you.
For instance...
Look... since you want to become a confident person and a presenter, but you are not putting in the work and that is going to be a problem.
...
Well, this is it.
This is the simplest overview of how mindset approach to overcoming your public speaking anxiety looks like.
Of course, the devil is in the details, but let ME worry about that haha.
Interested in getting started, Reader?
As a next step...
You could start with this free Guide and a bonus opportunity to get your personalized roadmap.
Until next time,
Waqas - Head Speaking Anxiety Coach
P.S. More on the ABCs of coaching: Luisa Zhou