I spent $1600 on two day-long boot camps that focused on perfecting messaging and delivery.
Meaning ... how to craft a well-organized message and then how to perfectly deliver it to your audience on stage.
I believed if messaging and delivery of my speeches were perfect, I wouldn't feel speaking nerves or crippling anxiety.
Guess what?
It didn't work—duh!
Not even a single bit.
Reader,
Don't get me wrong
... working on messaging and delivery is important for polishing your speaking skills, but they serve a different purpose.
Another mistake is related to the delivery part.
But I'll mention it separately as most think this will help them become anxiety-free speakers:
I thought if I removed all the filler words, my speaking confidence would boost.
Turns out, worrying too much about delivery and fillers may backfire for beginner speakers.
That's exactly what happened to me early on ...
Whenever I mistakenly used a filler, I got more nervous.
I focused more on not using fillers and less on whether I was getting my point across.
That's why I don't focus on these aspects early on with my clients.
We must begin with your mindset and belief systems to get to the root of your anxiety.
The goal is to identify and eliminate the limiting beliefs causing you anxiety and stress in the first place.
Third mistake ... I thought showing vulnerability on stage was bad.
I used to hide it at all costs.
I wanted to appear flawless, perfect, a smart genius. (Truth be told I'm not any of those things ... ha ha)
But then I learned I was wrong.
The day was Wednesday in November 2023.
I delivered a speech at the local Toastmasters Club in Lakewood CO.
In that talk, I exposed my weakest and most vulnerable moments from a public speaking situation in the past where I failed miserably—and that too in front of my friends and on camera.
I shared ...
how humiliated,
embarrassed,
and ashamed I felt.
And how I lost my self-confidence and wanted to hide someplace far and dark from where even I couldn't see myself.
Then I told the audience how I used it as fuel for my passion to fight back and redeem my lost self-confidence by overcoming my public speaking anxiety.
This is the feedback I got from the person who evaluated my speech:
"Waqas, you have this ability to be vulnerable with so much confidence. You make it almost impossible for us (the audience) to not root for you. Each one of us had gone through something similar and we can relate with you and the way you felt."
Which reminds me of a quote by Patrick King:
"Being vulnerable and open to others is a deeply satisfying activity on many levels"
Being vulnerable is an opportunity to make deeper connections with people around you.
Here's how vulnerability is defined:
"Vulnerability is the willingness to show emotions or to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known".
It may seem ironic but showing vulnerabilities makes you courageous. It shows your willingness to accept weaknesses and readiness to transform your life for good.
Here's a TEDx talk on the power of vulnerability, go watch it.
Think of the stories we love the most ...
They start with the protagonist being portrayed as miserable, lost, laid-off from the job, alone, and a total failure.
Then he or she goes through a transformation of some sort and at the end of the story they emerge as being the opposite of miserable and a total failure.
That's why transformation stories go viral on internet all the time.
People are not interested in a story (or a talk) that starts with us being amazing all the time, doing amazing things, and collecting all those amazing awards and accolades.
People can't resonate with such an unrealistic "super-human".
That's a wrap!
(I'll reveal more mistakes in a future issue)
If you know someone who could benefit from this newsletter, I’d love to have them join our community of fearless public speakers. They can subscribe here.
BRINGING IT HOME
TL; DR
Three things:
- Perfecting messaging and delivery won't help you with speaking anxiety.
- Removing fillers won't help with your anxiety.
- Showing vulnerability and weaknesses connects you with your audience on a human level.
Feel free to reply to this email if you have questions or feedback on this newsletter.
I personally reply to EVERY email.
THREE MORE WAYS I CAN HELP YOU
1 - Free Discovery Call - Book your free discovery call now to uncover the root of your anxiety and fast-track your journey from nervous to confident speaker 🎤. Seize the opportunity and take that first step toward transformation!
2 - Free live webinar - I will host a Live FREE Webinar on Friday (@2:00 PM MT, 1:00 PM PST, 03:00 PM CST, 04:00 PM EST) in which you will learn three secrets to overcoming your public speaking anxiety.
3 - Social media - I regularly share practical tips and insights on public speaking and communication skills. If you are active on Youtube, Instagram, or Threads, let's connect.
Best,
Waqas, Founder & Speaking Coach
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