Reader,
Before I reveal more effortless proven ways you can use to gain speaking confidence in any social setting, let me tell you a little bit about who I am...
And most importantly why you should give a damn about what I have to say.
You see...
I never imagined in my wildest dreams that one day I'd become a public speaking confidence coach because
I grew up an extremely shy and introverted kid in Pakistan.
I was one of those geeks who were always doing something related to school homework, tests, and exams.
I was bullied a lot and acting shy served as a self-defense mechanism throughout my school years.
The shyer I acted, the more self-conscious I became and started to develop a mold around me
...which grew stronger and thicker every time I said no to expressing myself and speaking in public.
Acting shy and staying under the radar was a set of behaviors that served me well during my school years, but it caused me immense social anxiety...
It stopped serving me when I graduated from school.
But it was too late!
I internalized shyness as part of my identity. I said to myself, "Maybe this is who I am".
Every time I had to give a course presentation during my college years
...I would dread it and get worried sick, but I found a way to survive all that by not looking at the audience and directly reading from slides.
Luckily—or unluckily—there were only a few presentations I had to deliver throughout my bachelor’s and master’s education.
Also, there was no public speaking involved at my job.
Fast forward to September 2019..
When I was a PhD student at Missouri University of Science and Technology...
I was attending an event known as Celebration of Nations which is a vibrant and colorful celebration of diversity at the university.
I was in charge of selling food items at our booth.
I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and was excited to greet people visiting our booth like a cheerful Chihuahua 🐶
For a moment I thought I had overcome my social anxiety and gained enough speaking confidence, and I was silently celebrating it.
BUT
My excitement went away the moment I spotted the media team from the university visiting each booth and interviewing people one by one.
Not as a group but ONE-BY-ONE.
It was just like...
visualizing the angels of death slowly marching towards me while I'm waiting for my turn to depart from this world to the next.
I thought about all possibilities and scenarios to avoid the imminent death by embarrassment and the strategy I came up with was to act invisible.
Acting invisible was something I had been doing since my childhood, and it seemed a logical strategy.
"I've got this", I said to myself.
..
“How did you find living in Rolla so far”, asked the reporter and placed the mic in front of my face.
At that moment it just hit, Oh No! I’m not invisible anymore.
I panicked and felt butterflies wildly fluttering in my stomach.
My hands started sweating.
I froze like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck.
You might have realized it was not a deep philosophical question but rather a simple question.
A few seconds went by which felt like an eternity in the moment.
I tried to utilize all the cognitive abilities of my brain to come up with a coherent response...
But I got NOTHING!
I thought about my friends and imagined how they might think that I was ruining the interview.
I mustered up the courage and spoke consecutively for about 20 long seconds.
But what I said in those twenty seconds was nothing but plain gibberish...
A few broken words put together in a weird sequence, making absolutely no sense.
Honestly, I don't remember even a single phrase from that interview... It shall remain a mystery until the day of judgment ;).
When I was done with speaking, I started to realize what just happened and when I did...
I felt embarrassed
I felt humiliated
I felt as if my confidence shattered like broken glass on the kitchen floor and I was left picking up all the pieces.
The walk from our booth to my car and back home was indeed a "walk of shame".
This humiliation kept haunting me for weeks, months and finally I said to myself:
"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!"
I decided to go all in on a mission to solve this MYSTRY!
But without any solid plan. I was:
CONFUSED.
SCARED.
And all ALONE.
To tell you the truth.. I was waiting for a MIRACLE to happen.
I read books not once but twice, bought digital courses, and attended expensive day-long boot camps, hoping that I would find the secret to overcoming my crippling fear of public speaking...
BUT
Only to find out that NOTHING was working.
Ironically, I was feeling even more scared, anxious, and exhausted.
Everyone was talking about:
- how to perfect messaging, delivery, and body language
- how to avoid filler words and use hand gestures to appear as a polished speaker
- how to maintain eye contact for greater impact
- how to use voice infection, tonality, and pacing to sound like a professional speaker.
But all this was a solution to a different problem.
My problem was internal... deeply rooted in my feelings, thoughts, and mindset.
Nothing seemed to work!
But I kept exploring and finally decided to join a Toastmasters club.
I showed up in club meetings week after week, month after month, and in November 2022 I was finally able to speak in front of an audience of 40+.
And it took me 2 years to do so.
That was the day I felt MOST proud of myself... even more than the day when I got my PhD degree.
BUT
I was still worried that...
-What if my anxieties come back?
-What if my mind goes blank?
-What if the audience judges me negatively?
These WHAT-IFs kept me awake and haunted with fear days before an upcoming presentation.
It was not until I worked with my anxiety experts and confidence coaches who helped me identify the root causes which were...
"My mindset and limiting beliefs about myself, audience, and public speaking."
Once we crushed them in intensive sessions, I was a FREE person... free from my demons and kryptonites.
As a result, I told 4 personal stories in 5 months at The Moth StorySLAM events—in front 300+ strangers every single time.
I even told this story that you just read (linked at the end of this email).
(by the way, can you resonate with any part of my story? hit reply and let me know. I'd love to read!)
Now...
I'm gonna make a promise to you Reader:
I’ll help you get THERE but...
The only way I can do that is if you allow me to “visit” you in your inbox.
I know you’re probably subscribed to tons of email lists already...
But if you're willing to welcome me from time to time, I’ll help you gain the confidence you've always desired in any speaking situation...
1-on-1 or in front of groups, small or large
So you can confidently speak without worrying about the fear of judgement, freezing up, or your mind going blank.
So whaddaya say, Reader?
Can I share more of my best stuff with you?
Reply directly to this email and let me know. A simple "YES" would work just fine.
I read every single response.
-Waqas
P.S. -- Linked here is my origin story that I told at The Moth in front of a live audience of 300+ strangers.
Cheers!