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Fighting the Fear of Being Judged or Criticized
7th Issue of NewsletterFree Your Voice from Speaking Anxiety |
Happy fearless Sunday!​ Fear of being judged and criticized is the number one contributor to the anxiety around public speaking. Let's fight it today 🦾.Your public speaking anxiety may be a direct or indirect result of self-limiting beliefs—the most common ones discussed in the previous issue—or the fear of being judged and criticized that I will discuss today. Let's get to it! FEAR OF BEING JUDGED OR CRITICIZEDI hate these 4 words on a personal level: "What will people think" OR "What will people say". One of the biggest fears around public speaking—and many other things we wanted to do but couldn't do—is the fear of being judged and criticized. "People don't fear public speaking, they fear being judged." (Anonymous) Let's dig a bit deeper into this fear. Fear is an emotion. Like any other emotion, it also stems from our thoughts. Negative thoughts originate from our limiting beliefs. This is how it works: Limiting Beliefs ➡ Thoughts ➡ Fear ➡ Our Experience A belief is our interpretation of the reality that we hold on to as THE TRUTH—it's the meaning we give to reality. But it may or may not be the truth. We see the world around us from the lens of our beliefs.
One or many of these core limiting beliefs may be in action causing you this fear:
Let's discuss each one by one. 1 - Audience is always judging me negativelyI held on to this belief for almost one-third of a century. I used to believe that everyone in the audience had one and only one agenda: to judge me negatively and find every little flaw and imperfection in my presentations, talks, and personality. This one fear held me back from expressing myself whenever an opportunity knocked at the door. Guess what? I was wrong.
Through my experience as public speaker, I came to know that not everyone in the audience is there to judge you. Most audience members will root for you. Given that people's number 1 fear is public speaking, your audience will see you as a courageous person. Because ... Courage is not the absence of fear, it's the willingness to act despite the fear.
Have this belief that most of the audience is there to see you succeed in your speaking engagement. If you've decided to go up on that stage, you have separated yourself from the herd ... You are already a winner 🦾. 2 - I am good enough if others think well of meBefore diving deep into this self-limiting belief, there is something you must know ... The 10% Hater Rule: "10% of people will find a way to take everything personally. Expect it and treat it as math" —Tim Ferriss. You might be running a charity, building a hospital for cancer patients, feeding orphans, and doing all the incredible things in the world. But ... some people will always find something to criticize. Expect it. Treat it as math. When someone passes hate comments and negative judgment, they try to reflect their insecurities and negativity on to you. Negative judgment is not your problem, it's theirs. It's in their heads—it's the product of their shitty values and belief systems. Know that negative comments and personal attacks only come from people who suffer from insecurities and inferiority complex. They want to drag you down to their level. It makes them satisfied and feel superior. This is the only way they can be satisfied with staying miserable, complacent, and living a mediocre life. We can only feel pity for them. A self-confident and secure person, who is doing better than you, would NEVER attack you with negativity. Your fear of being judged and criticized stems from this self-limiting belief: "I am good enough if others think well of me".
Negative feedback or criticism inherently does NOT mean anything. It only hurts when we give a certain meaning to it. The way we interpret it makes all the difference. That's why it's crucial to identify and eliminate the limiting beliefs behind your fear of public speaking. I suffered from this belief my entire life. Many of my life decisions were driven by it. Not long ago, I worked with my mentor and eliminated this belief for good. I now don't rely on others' opinions of me to prove my worthiness or good enough-ness. Have this mindset that ...
Having said that, we must be open to constructive feedback from people who have constructed something meaningful in their lives—that's how we get better at doing what we do. 3 - What makes me good enough is being free of mistakes, imperfections, and flawsDuring my recent visit to Pakistan (Nov-2023), I was asked to deliver a motivational talk in front of the entire middle and high school—my alma mater. I said YES to this public speaking opportunity at the drop of a hat—thanks to my older self for taking the decision to fight the crippling fear of public speaking. This opportunity was challenging for 3 reasons:
Ironically, I found it harder to talk in Urdu than in English—it's a shame I know 🫣. Overall, the speech was a great success as many students seemed to appear inspired during my talk—thus fulfilling the purpose of the talk. However, I made many minor mistakes when delivering the talk, which is expected of any human being. The talk was uploaded on YouTube. A keyboard warrior commented on YouTube admonishing me not even to try to deliver a motivational speech ever again. Does it mean I should never ever try again? HELL NO!!!
This is what my belief system is: There is not a single soul on planet Earth right now who was born flawless and perfect. We all suck when we start out something new and worthwhile. We are supposed to. We all make mistakes. We all fail. We suck even more. Then we learn from those mistakes and failures. Perfectionism is an illusion; it's subjective. It does not even exist. It's not what we should aim for. Instead ... aim for growth. Aim for being better than your older self—compared to you yesterday, last week, last month, and yesteryear. You should be proud of yourself so long as you are stepping out of your comfort zone, making mistakes, learning from them, and being 1% better every day, every week.
Make mistakes because we can't learn anything from being perfect. BRINGING IT HOMETL; DR Your fear of being judged and criticized may be originating from one or many of these core limiting beliefs:
Identify and eliminate these limiting beliefs and be free from your speaking anxiety. ​ Feedback: If you have any thoughts or any questions about this week's issue, do not hesitate to reply to this email [waqas@denverspeakup.com]. I will be happy to read and respond 😀. THREE MORE WAYS I CAN HELP YOU1 - 1:1 coaching - I'm now offering 1:1 coaching (limited openings) to help you overcome the crippling fear of public speaking (in under 2 months) by eliminating limiting beliefs and gain the self-confidence you always wanted. 2 - Free live webinar - I will host a Live FREE Webinar on Friday (@12:00 PM MT, 11:00 AM PST, 01:00 PM CST, 02:00 PM EST) in which you will learn three secrets to overcoming your public speaking anxiety.​ 3 - Social media - I regularly share practical tips and insights on public speaking and communication skills. If you are active on Youtube, Instagram, or ​Threads, let's connect. ​ P.S. ​If you know someone who could benefit from this newsletter, I’d love to have them join our community of public speakers. They can subscribe here. Thanks! Best, Waqas, Founder & Speaking Coach |
Free Your Voice from Speaking Anxiety
The only newsletter you'll ever need to overcome the crippling fear of public speaking and gain the self-confidence you always desire. (Loved by 1300+ readers every week)