81st Issue of Newsletter

Free Your Voice from Speaking Anxiety

I grew up introverted and painfully shy kid in Pakistan.

I used to dread saying even a simple hello to anyone back in the days--strangers or knowns, it didn't matter.

There was this awkwardness whenever I tried and wanted to disappear from the scene... kinda like this ;)

But it doesn't have to be like that.

Once I overcame my social and public speaking anxieties, everything changed for me... I got better at networking and making new friends even with strangers.

I now feel so confident that I can engage in conversation with any stranger, any time and on any topic.. only if I'm interested.

But this didn't happen overnight:

I learned the secret sauce to approaching and leading a conversation with strangers.. even if they are introverts, shy and reserved.

So, let's get to it.

For better clarity, I've divided this newsletter issue into 2 sections:

1. Ice Breakers
2. Being in Control

An ice breaker is simply what breaks the silence and gets the ball rolling between you and your conversation partner.

Down below, I'm sharing 4 ideas you can use to break the ice along with examples and situations where you could use them.

1- Smile

It's like saying hello with your eyes.

When you smile at someone, it signals you're a friend, not a foe and...

They will be likely to smile back and will be open to listening to whatever you are gonna say next.

I know in some cultures—including mine—it's considered inappropriate to smile at strangers as they might interpret it as a sign of flirting ;)

I know it may sound ridiculous but it's true.

But I think in the US and most western cultures it's quite the norm, so you're safe to smile at strangers...

but not the creepy smile ;)

2- Take one more bite

Remember how your mom or grandma would encourage you to take only one more bite of that tasteless vegetable or the food you didn't like, and you ended up eating way more than just one bite?

Well, it's kinda the same here.

Just take one more bite of that broccoli, don't think about the long conversation and say something like:

• How's it going?
• Chilly weather!
• What a beautiful day!
• Or simply... having a great day/morning/evening?
• etc.

And based on their response, you can guess if it's worth talking to them any further.

3- Compliment

As human beings, one of our biggest desires and needs is to feel being seen, heard, and acknowledged... we crave it. It's how our brain is wired.

So why not use it to our advantage, right?

If you genuinely like something in other person, just say it out loud and see how it would spark their eyes and, in most cases, it might be the only nice thing they might have heard that day, week, or even that month.

It could be something like:

• Nice backpack! Where did you get it from?
• Cool shades!
• Awesome phone case!
• I like your hair or T-shirt or sneakers etc.

The idea is to share something that you genuinely liked so they feel seen, heard, and acknowledged.

And once you do that.. observe how their face blossoms like a flower and eyes sparkle with joy!

You're more likely to make their day and they will enter that into their daily journal (if they keep one)

But..

if you can't find anything at all to compliment on, I'll leave it up to you to decide if it's worth initiating a conversation with them.

4- Ask for their opinion

This is another great way to easing the nervousness and awkwardness with strangers because it makes the other person feel their opinions matter when you ask for it—Psychology 101.

Assuming you're at a coffee shop or at a store and want to talk to a stranger...

Just give them 2-3 options and ask for their opinion.

For example:

• I can't decide between X and Y, what do you think?
• Hi, I can't decide between these 2 styles of shades, which one would you recommend?
• etc.

Once you ask for their opinion, just observe what it does to their mood and demeanor...

My guess is you'd be pleasantly surprised how happy it makes people when we ask for their opinions.

Being in Control

Now that we know how to break the ice, the next challenge is to be in control and lead the conversation, so we don't get into those awkward silence moments.

I'm gonna share 4 ideas to help you with this part:

1. Ask follow-up questions
2. Don't give one-word responses
3. Show genuine interest in them
4. Listen both with ears and eyes

1 - Ask follow-up questions

If we break down a conversation into its basic elements, it's essentially asking questions and responding to their questions, right?

That's it. No rocket science, right?

So, one way you can lead the conversation is to keep asking follow-up questions.

For instance:

• What do you do for a living?
• What inspired you to get into this line of work?
• What's your favorite part of your job?
• What's one thing you wish to change about your current role?
• etc. etc.

2 - Don't give one-word responses

One thing that may kill your conversation is your tendency to give a one-word answer to their questions.

When you respond in one word, it doesn't give them the opportunity to ask follow-up questions...

Leave enough pointers for them to ask follow-up questions.

Example: Where do you live?

• Response #1: Denver
• Response #2: I live in Denver, Colorado. And I absolutely love it. It's right next to the Rocky Mountains and offers tons of opportunities to do outdoor activities. I think it's one of the best places to live in the US.

Which response do you think gives your convo partner more pointers to ask follow-up questions? I'll leave it up to you to decide.

3-Show genuine interest in them

When you show genuine interest in what I do, why I do it, what I like, what I don't like, what's the name of my son or pet, and I see that interest in your follow-up questions, I will naturally be willing to spill my guts and secrets right in front of you.

Not just me, anyone... because it's in our psychology.

We want to feel heard, seen and appreciated.

This is how you can use this psychology to your advantage:

• Find out what makes them tick?
• Where do they spend most of their free time?
• What makes them lose track of time?

Once you know this, at least some of it, ask them questions and follow-up questions by showing genuine interest.

And see how it's gonna light their eyes up and they will be willing to tell you every single thing...

It'll satisfy their humanly urge and craving: to feel heard and seen.

4-Listen both with ears and eyes

One of the greatest sins you could do in a conversation is to not look at your convo partner when they are speaking.

Put the darn phone down and give them your 100% undivided attention if you're really interested.

One of my pet-peeves is when I'm speaking and the other parson is scrolling on their phone and pretending they are listening.

It's an unfortunate norm in today's world.

So, be 100 present and listen with both eyes and ears.

In the end...

Remember you have to keep exercising these ideas frequently to see real impact on your confidence and comfort when initiating conversations with strangers.

The more you do it, the better you'll get at it, and you'll be surprised by the progress.

It's a muscle you need to train by being more intentional to make it second nature.

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Now Reader,

Which of these ideas do you think are worth trying today or this week?

You can let me know by replying to this email. I read all emails :)

-Waqas

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P.S.--If you want a compact PDF guide on this topic that you can keep handy, reply to this email with "PDF Guide" and I'll send it your way.

P.P.S--Another fun summer day in the water, Chatfield Reservoir, Colorado.

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