(Note: All future issues of this newsletter will be published on Wednesdays at 8 a.m. MT (7 a.m. PST and 10 a.m. EST))
Let's define vulnerability first.
It's your willingness to show emotions or to allow your weaknesses to be seen or known by others.
But ... you might be thinking why is showing vulnerability so powerful and why would someone ever intentionally want their vulnerabilities to be known by others?
I get it ... I get it.
I know it may seem ironic but hear me out for a minute ...
Think of the stories you love the most ...
They start with the protagonist (hero) being portrayed as miserable, disappointed, lost, laid-off from the job, alone
... in short, a total failure.
Then he or she goes through a transformation of some sort and at the end of the story they emerge as being the opposite of miserable and a total failure.
That's why transformation stories go viral on the internet all the time.
People are not interested in a story (or a talk) that starts with us being amazing all the time, doing amazing things, and collecting all those amazing awards and accolades.
People don't resonate with such an unrealistic superhuman being.
And no one likes a braggart who only boasts about their success and achievements
... All. The. Time. (Sometimes is okay)
We as an audience want to experience a rollercoaster of emotions 🎢.
That's why we watch movies in cinemas ... and not want to hear anything about the story that might spoil it for us
... we want to experience those emotions first-hand.
Otherwise, we might just ask our friends or family to tell us the story and save the money spent on tickets ;)
Are you with me on this Reader?
So ...
If you want your audience to resonate and connect with you, root for you, and fall in love with you (both in public speaking and in life)
... share with them your most embarrassing and vulnerable moments that taught you something of value in life.
Your 5-second moments ...
Moments of important realization,
Moments of life-changing truth,
Moments of facing a harsh reality,
Moments of weakness and failures.
Because showing vulnerabilities makes you courageous ... it shows your willingness to accept your weaknesses and readiness to transform your life for good.
Being vulnerable is also an opportunity to make deeper connections with people around you.
It holds the key to finding happiness, self-acceptance, joy, and a sense of good enoughness.
Which reminds me of a quote by Patrick King:
"Being vulnerable and open to others is a deeply satisfying activity on many levels"
Reader ...
I know it doesn't make sense if I just talk about showing vulnerability and don't share some of my own vulnerable moments with you, right?
So, here's a glimpse. Enjoy!
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I'm about 8 years old and the year is 1997.
And it's summertime!
It's the start of summer vacations and I'm visiting my grandparents' house in my hometown in Pakistan after a long while.
It's a big gathering here today.
It's always been a big gathering at my grandparents ... thanks to the joint family system a severe lack of family planning ha ha.
It's past lunchtime and I'm playing with my cousins for a while now—non-stop!
Since it's 1997, there are no smartphones or the internet, so we are playing hide-and-seek and tag.
But there is an indoor pet animal that's been roaming around the house, and it doesn't look familiar.
It's been disturbing our play and trespassing for quite some time now, and we are not liking it ... we are a little pissed off to be honest.
The indoor pet animal is actually a goat ... a mother goat. And it looks like she is not alone ... but she is on a family picnic today.
My cousin and I are making some mischievous plans for this mother goat: we are gonna milk her and make an ice cream dessert later in the afternoon.
Now... I have never milked a goat before but for some strange reason I'm excited ... sooooper excited!
I'm loving my time at my grandparents and being grateful for being blessed with such a beautiful caring family.
I'm absolutely loving all the fun and adventures with my cousins. It's probably one of the funniest and most adventurous days of my life.
But ...
The excitement and joy quickly transform into anticipation of something ugly and horrific when my second uncle makes this announcement ...
"Let's find out today... who can speak better in English?"
Yeah ... an English-speaking competition.
I'm thinking ...
Are you kidding me?
Speak better in English? I don't know anything about speaking in English.
Because contrary to my cousins, the medium of education at my school is NOT English ...
It's our national language Urdu and I hardly know how to speak better in Urdu, let alone speak in English.
Taking part in an English-speaking contest is the last thing on my calendar today
... but life doesn't always give you what you want, right?
I'm saying this to myself:
I have to do this ... there's no way out of it. I can't just magically disappear or hide. And I'm sure my uncle will cut me some slack after realizing that I go to a different school ... He will help me out... Yeah, of course, otherwise it's not fair.
And I don't have enough courage to speak for myself, so I'm purely relying on his mercy and my luck.
Competition starts ... here we go.
"Waqas, your turn ... translate this into English:
Question 1 ... " (He gives me a prompt in Urdu)
All eyes on me.
But I'm nervous and my heartbeat is racing.
I'm trying to decipher the prompt and figure out the English translation, but I am lost.
I'm clueless.
I'm thinking, and thinking hard, but it appears to be too darn difficult ...
I'm also looking around and at my uncle's face in the hope that he'll give me a clue ... I'm still hopeful that he'll realize I'm not from an English medium school, but all I see is a cunning and sinister smile on his face ...
The smile I will never forget.
I then look around ... but no help in sight.
I'm also looking at my competitor cousins who definitely know the answer, but of course they are not gonna help me out ... Instead, they are savoring the moment to the fullest.
They are thinking they got me today ... and they don't seem to be wrong.
My maternal grandfather is sitting right next to me, and he is trying his absolute best to help me out ...
He is whispering in my ears and giving me clues but I'm not educated enough to put them together and give a coherent answer in English.
Also, my grandfather is neither an Englishman nor had he gone to an English medium school and he himself is struggling.
After losing all hope, I lower my gaze and remain silent.
It's my turn again ...
"Waqas, Question 2 ... " (I get another prompt to translate)
But again, I'm silent like a dark night in the Midwest. My eyes are permanently glued to the floor now.
I'm a lost cause now.
My grandfather is not giving up on me and still tries to help me but it's of no use to me.
In the meantime, the uproar and resounding clapping indicate my cousins are acing it and the uncle is in seventh heaven.
... It's their day today!
"Waqas, your turn again ... " (Another prompt ...)
A few minutes into this agony, and I have no option but to give up. I have lost to my cousins.
Now, I'm feeling broken ...
I'm feeling humiliated ...
I'm embarrassed.
I am being made fun of in front of everyone in the house. My self-worth and self-confidence are broken into pieces.
My grandfather, who is still by my side, is trying to protect me with positive affirmations and is trying to make me feel better but the damage has been done.
That was the day I came to know both the ugly and the good side of my family.
I realized that uncle knew it quite well I was not in English medium school but still orchestrated this entire thing just to make me feel inferior to his favorite nieces and nephews.
That day, I had this strange encounter with the harsh reality and learned an important life lesson that sometimes it's your own family that breaks you down into pieces
... a thousand little pieces and leaves you alone to suffer.
But it's also your family, the family that genuinely cares about you and loves you unconditionally, picks up every little piece of you and glues it together to make you whole again.
And the family that did that for me not only on that day, but my entire life was none other than my maternal grandfather ... the grandfather whom I love and miss so much but I can't tell him that
... because he is not with us anymore.
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BRINGING IT HOME
TL; DR
- Showing vulnerability can be your superpower.
- People will find it easier to relate to and connect with you if you're showing signs of nervousness and being vulnerable.
- People wouldn't help but root for you. They'll think of you as one of them ... a genuine human being.
Feel free to reply to this email if you have questions or feedback on this newsletter.
TWO MORE WAYS I CAN HELP YOU
1 - Free Discovery Call - Book your free discovery call now to uncover the root of your anxiety and fast-track your journey from nervous to confident speaker 🎤. Seize the opportunity and take that first step toward transformation!
2 - Social media - I share practical tips and insights on public speaking and communication skills. If you are active on Youtube, Instagram, or Threads, let's connect.
Best,
Waqas, Founder & Speaking Anxiety Coach
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