Back in Jan 2022, when I first joined the Ozark Toastmaster club, I had only one goal in mind:
To get rid of anxiety and speaking nerves altogether... COMPLETELY!
That's it.
All I knew and was told that speaking nerves are always bad and must be eliminated at all cost to gain speaking confidence.
But little did I know I was chasing the wrong goals.
You see...
After years of public speaking training and coaching, I learned that the anxiety or speaking nerves fall into three buckets...
The GOOD
The BAD
And the UGLY.
Now you might be thinking...
"How the heck can stress be good for me?"
Before you conclude that it might be a typo or Waqas might've lost his mind or something and you're about to hit that unsubscribe button,
Hear me out for a sec...
YES, stress can be good for you... Even when it doesn't feel helpful as in public speaking anxiety.
The GOOD:
I'm not just making this stuff up, it's backed by SOLID science.
This is the type of stress or anxiety that gives you the energy to rise to the challenge and perform at your best level possible.
It triggers the Challenge Response in you.
In a Challenge Response, your sympathetic nervous system makes your body mobilize more energy.
Your breathing deepens and your heart rate speeds up to help you rise to the challenge ahead of you.
Sugar and fats are dumped into your bloodstream and converted into fuel...
Which is supplied to muscles and brain which then function at PEAK performance levels.
In short...
Your body prepares you for something that is both meaningful and important to you.
Since there's a lot at stake, your mind and body help you unlock your superpowers such as ...
- Ability to think FAST
- Ability to FOCUS without getting distracted
- Heightened sense of hearing and vision and
- Unreal muscular strength.
Ever heard of this true story in which two teenage girls from Oregon, U.S. were able to lift 3000 lbs. tractor off their dad who was trapped under it?
It was due to this Challenge Response of stress that gave them superpowers to do the impossible and saved their father.
It wouldn't be wrong to say stress makes you super-human...
You just need to realize it and learn how to take advantage of it rather than going into full-on panic mode.
But here's the catch:
It's ONLY good if you THINK it's good...
Yeah, you heard it right.
Your mindset and beliefs about stress or anxiety are vital in shaping your experience with it.
Your mindset decides whether the stress response you are gonna get will be a 'Challenge Response' or a 'Threat Response' (also known as Fight-or-Flight response).
If you've been told—chances are you have been told this a bazillion times—that your stress and speaking nerves are bad and you MUST avoid them at ALL COSTS...
Guess what will happen the next time you are about to start your presentation or impromptu talk?
You will go into a full-on PANIC MODE because you felt butterflies in your stomach and your heart started racing.
This will eventually result in Threat Response and panicking because you saw your speaking nerves as a sign of threat.
The BAD:
The bad anxiety is the kind that I feel the easiest to fix and most coaches out there only focus on fixing this type of public speaking anxiety.
Because it simply stems from the lack of preparation and rehearsal... and if you are not well-prepared, it's natural to feel anxious.
There's no shortcut to fix this type of anxiety other than doing the practice and rehearsal before your next talk or presentation.
As Dale Carnegie said it loud and clear:
"Only the prepared speaker deserves to be confident"
A rule of thumb I learned from Prof. Alex is to practice/rehearse your big talk for about 10 times on different days.
Personally, I rehearse between 5-10 times. (But don't rehearse or practice it word-for-word)
However, don't expect practicing or over-practicing can fix the UGLY type of anxiety.
Let's find out why...
The UGLY:
I'm calling it ugly because it's the worst kind of anxiety and it doesn't go away on its own.
If you have it, YOU NEED HELP!
It comes from your limiting core beliefs about self-esteem, self-worth, good-enoughness, your competencies, and about public speaking and audiences.
Self-limiting belief is a perception about yourself that somehow RESTRICTS you in some way from leveraging your full potential in life.
It's a self-imposed mental block.
Beliefs such as:
- I'm not smart enough OR I'm not good enough
- I'm good enough if others think well of me (I had this one)
- I'm a failure or loser
- I'm a disappointment
- I'm not competent or capable (I had this one)
- I'm a fraud and fake a.k.a Imposter Syndrome (I had this one)
- There's something wrong with me
- No one wants to listen to me or I'm boring speaker
- I'm not important or I don't matter
- What I have to say is not important
- etc. etc.
Other limiting beliefs may include...
Showing nervousness in front of others is bad, speaking nerves are bad, audience will reject me if I make a mistake, public speaking is scary, showing vulnerability on stage is bad, public speaking is a talent not a skill, failure and mistakes are bad, everyone is judging me negatively, etc.
These beliefs are the root causes behind your:
- Negative thinking
- Feelings of anxiety and overwhelm
- Hopelessness and Frustration
- Feeling like an imposter
- Lack of self-confidence (not only as a speaker but also as a person)
- Avoidance behavior (and procrastination)
- Self-sabotaging behavior
- And more...
Now you know the difference between The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
Reader...
You see...
We have been misled to believe that all speaking anxiety is inherently bad and must be avoided at all costs.
This mindset only reinforces the Threat Response, making us more anxious and less confident when put in the spotlight.
Also, can you see why practicing alone or faking it can never fix the deeply seated root causing beliefs and triggers of public speaking anxiety?
To summarize:
- Embrace 'The GOOD'
- Practice and rehearse to get rid of 'The BAD'
- Seek expert guidance to get rid of 'The UGLY' once and for all.
>> Reply "TRIGGERS" if you want to uncover triggers and root causes behind your specific social or public speaking anxieties.
-Waqas
P.S.--This weakened, I went paddle boating for the first time and it was all round fun experience. (Location: Chatfield State Park, Colorado US.)
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