The only newsletter you'll ever need to overcome the crippling fear of public speaking and gain the self-confidence you always desire. (Loved by 1500+ readers every week)
11 DEADLY misconceptions about public speaking
Published 11 days ago • 6 min read
71ST Issue of Newsletter
Free Your Voice from Speaking Anxiety
This is gonna be a bit controversial but that's what excites me the most about today's issue ;)
You see Reader,
There's a ton of baseless misconceptions and garbage advice about public speaking which makes me puke every time I hear or read one of those.
If you want to know the truth, hang tight.
Because you're in for a treat today, and by the end you'd either love this newsletter or hate it, which is exactly what I want.
I want lovers or haters—NOT anything in the middle ;)
Life's Motto ;)
Enough rambling, let's get to business, shall we?
Below are My Favorite 11 MISCONCEPTIONS (and Truths) about Public Speaking and Stage Confidence.
1/ Public Speaking is ONLY for the Talented Few
I had this belief my entire life. I used to believe:
Public speaking is a talent and not a skill
It's only for select few and
Public speakers are born, not made
BUT I was wrong!
Google up the following names and read their early struggles with public speaking and anxiety:
And you're not alone and unique in this fear. Most people (Surveys reveal about 80%) suffer from this phobia.
It's normal to fear public speaking...
But it's your CHOICE to live with this fear for the rest of your life.
2/ Audience is Always Judging You Negatively
The real reason public speaking terrifies most people: it’s not the mic, it’s fear of judgment.
So, let me introduce you to Tim Ferriss's 10% Hater Rule: "10% of people will find a way to take anything personally. Expect it and treat it as math". When they pass hate comment or negative judgment, it reflects their own insecurities. It's a product of their messed-up values and:
insecurities
victim's mentality
inferiority complexes and
unresolved self-esteem issues.
It makes them feel superior and good enough. DON'T let it become your problem
A confident and secure person:
would NEVER attack you or
criticize you for the sake of criticism
but will only give you feedback to help you grow
Having said that.. know this that:
Not everyone in the audience will judge you
Most audience members will root for you
Since people's number 1 fear is public speaking, they will see you as a courageous person.
3/ Manage Anxiety with Deep Breathing
Breathing helps regulate your heart rate and adrenaline, calming you down temporarily.
But it doesn't address the underlying TRIGGERS, so you'll continue to feel the same fear until you confront the root cause.
So, the next time it happens...
You will still feel the same emotions and butterflies in stomach because there is a trigger you are not addressing.
Newsflash:it's a bandage to give you temporary relief.
4/ Repeat Positive Affirmations to Gain Confidence
Positive affirmations are BAND-AIDS on a deeper issue that require permanent cure.
They don't address root causes of anxiety which often stem from deeper fears and insecurities.
Imagine this:
You’re giving presentation & you’ve been repeating:
“I'm strong. I'm a confident speaker”
But when you notice someone whispering to another, your mind races with thoughts of JUDGEMENT.
Positive affirmations alone FAIL... BECAUSE they don't offer practical strategies to manage anxiety.
And create a FALSE sense of security, leaving you unprepared when anxiety strikes.
"Go practice.. it's the only way to overcome this fear"
"Practice makes a man perfect"
"Practice in front of a mirror 20 times before a presentation"
etc. etc.
This is what I got when I asked for advice to beat my fear of public speaking.
BUT it never worked for me.. Not in the case of gaining public speaking confidence that's sustainable long term.
I took this approach of practicing and sometimes even over-practicing.
I joined a local toastmaster club in January 2022 and delivered 3-4 speeches every single month for almost a year. I focused on just practicing.
BUT
It never helped me get free of self-doubts, deeper insecurities, feeling of not belonging, and feeling of not good enough.
It wasn't until I hired a speaking anxiety EXPERT who then helped me identify and eliminate the root causes and triggers behind my crippling anxiety and fears in front of groups of people.
Once we did that, the rest is history.
6/ Fake-It-Till-You-Make-It Trap
NO. NEVER. DON'T.
It's a trap to create an even bigger issue called the "Imposter Syndrome".
It never works.
I have worked with top executives who have been speaking on stage for decades but never felt real confidence because they have been faking it all along.
Heck, I've pretended to be a public speaker at Toastmasters but every time I would go in front audience, I would feel like a fraud and imposter... Only to be exposed by someone.
So..
If you want real, long-lasting, unshakable confidence, it must come from within by eliminating self-doubts--not by pretending or faking it.
7/ Memorize Your Talk Word-for-Word
DON'T fall into this trap.
It's a trap to mind going blank or freezing up
Instead, memorize the key pillars of your talk and expand
Only memorize dialogues, quotes or beginning and ending parts
By not falling into this trap, you'll be able to humanize your talk and not freeze up or blank out.
Instead: write an outline and keep it handy when delivering your talk.
8/ Remove ALL Filler (Ah's, Umm's, So's etc.)
When I was on this journey to solve the mystery of overcoming anxiety and gaining public speaking confidence...
I was told to eliminate all the fillers, perfect my body language, and polish my messaging and delivery.
I believed if messaging and delivery of my speeches were perfect, I wouldn't feel speaking nerves.
I thought if I removed all the filler words, my speaking confidence would boost.
Turns out, worrying about delivery and fillers can BACKFIRE for beginner speakers.
That's exactly what happened to me early on...
Whenever I mistakenly used a filler, I got more nervous. I focused MORE on not using fillers and LESS on whether I was getting my point across.
Having fillers here and there in your speech is NOT a problem unless they distract you or the audience from the message.
Fillers are proof that you're being your natural self and not a machine or AI chat bot.
9/ Give a Full Introduction to Begin Your Talk
Have you ever witnessed those boring intros to a talk? You know those that start with:
"Hello everyone!
My name is Dr. Prof. ABC
I work for XYZ prestigious institute
And the topic of my today's talk is blah blah blah"...
(Even though they have been introduced by the host already)
Newsflash: No one cares about your name, or degrees, or medals, and awards, or designations.
All they care about is WIIFM: What's in it for me.
So, they give them a reason to listen to you:
Start with the promise - What's in it for them?
Start with a YES/NO question - invites participation
Start with a relevant personal story that they can relate to
It helps you grab attention fast by giving them a reason to listen to you.
What do you expect from yourself in this journey overcoming anxiety and gaining stage confidence?
Do you expect to become a confident person who knows how to manage nerves, get your point across, and feel excited about speaking in front of others?
OR
do you expect to speak like someone else (e.g., "CEO", Tony Robbins, Simon Sinek, MLK Jr etc.)?
I don't know why people are so obsessed with speaking like a CEO and whatnot.
Why don't we aim to recognize our natural communication style and use it to our advantage?
Why don't we focus on the value and message than on copying someone else's style?
11/ Learn from TEDx Speakers
First thing first:
TEDx is NOT a standard to learn public speaking skills.
TEDx is a platform to learn and share ideas to transform lives.
That's why TEDx organizers don't let you speak at their events based on your public speaking skills, but they will critique your application based on the idea you're going to share.
Recognize that TEDx advocates exchange of ideas from presenter to the audiences... ideas that drive a meaningful change.
NOT to teach you public speaking skills.
TED's mission statement below:
Reader,
Which misconception (or truth) did you like the most?
Reply to let me know :)
-Waqas
P.S.-- Reply to this email to let me know what other misconceptions should be part of this list?
P.P.S.-- Recently, I hiked the Manitou Springs Incline (Colorado): 2768 vertical steps in 80 minutes. It tested my resolve and resilience ;) It was all worth it!
The only newsletter you'll ever need to overcome the crippling fear of public speaking and gain the self-confidence you always desire. (Loved by 1500+ readers every week)